I need to admit something: I’m bored of watching Blindspot.
It’s too thin to be so complicated. It’s too complicated to be so boring. It’s too boring to spend an hour each week sifting through and discarding 30 minutes of plotline to decode the season’s progress. And, halfway through the season, what I’ve decoded is that there has been very little progress. Sure, there are some theories about who Jane is and where she came from. True, we’ve decrypted a handful of tattoos and seen some bad guys bite it. Yes, we’ve even been introduced to Patterson’s boyfriend and Zapata’s gambling problem, but what have we actually learned? Mostly that Sullivan Stapleton (Kurt Weller) has a mediocre American accent, Jaimie Alexander’s hairstylist is very talented, Alexander (Jane Doe) herself is quite good at martial arts and wearing V-neck tees, and Ashley Johnson (Patterson) has been tasked with providing what little lighthearted relief exists between Jane and Weller’s vapid heart-to-hearts.
It’s as if producers Greg Berlanti, Martin Gero, and their room of writers are stalling because the dog ate their storyboards, or they’re afraid they might run out of tattoos to decode. I can’t imagine either is true; I’m just trying to think of plausible excuses for the paradoxical fast and slow pacing that they’ve shoehorned into each tedious episode of Blindspot. Do they know who Jane Doe is?
And, as though they or we might forget to ask, the now-rhetorical questions are repeated each episode: “Who is Jane Doe? And why would they tattoo her entire body?” This week, we are no closer to finding out. But, without further ado, onto what we do know:
Jane has a sex dream about a man with a tree tattoo. It’s awkward enough to presume it’s about Weller, but — as we discover at the episode’s conclusion — there’s actually a guy with the same tattoo keeping tabs on Jane without her knowledge. Is he Beardo’s colleague, a lover from her previous life, or both, perhaps? Maybe he’ll challenge Weller to a joust for Jane? Maybe Jane will tell them both to go screw themselves, grab a six-pack, and discover how much better the first season of Homeland is than Blindspot?
Either way, Jane’s FBI therapist suggests she may need to define some boundaries with her work husband. Simultaneously, Mayfair suggests that Weller is not objective enough to maintain his position as lead investigator on Jane’s case (obviously). I think we’re supposed to be sensing increasing sexual tension between Jane and Weller, but it’s still awkward enough to feel like a Tinder date between unwitting second cousins.
Beyond the office romance, this week’s action is centered on a dark web app created by a 17-year-old hacker chick named Ana. She’s stereotypically outfitted in a punk-goth getup, complete with dark eyeliner and berry-colored lipstick that stays smudge-defyingly put even after a group of Russian thugs tie a rag across her painted pout and drag her through a lot full of semi trucks filled with guns and explosives. Of course, there’s more to the story line than this, but all we need to retain is that Ana is a highly skilled young woman forging her misanthropic identity in a very lonely world. Jane recognizes Ana’s pain, relates, and reaches out to her in an attempt to connect to a seemingly kindred spirit. In return, Ana provides another clue to unlocking her tattoos. (See “Tattoo Meanings” below.)
In other news, Zapata pays off her gambling debt with the dirty money from creepy CIA director Tom Carter. Ever-suspicious Reade can sense something is off. Mayfair still refuses to budge on the Daylight/Saul Guerrero case file, so Patterson takes it up with Weller. Weller furrows his bushy, Australian eyebrows with uncertainty. And back home, Weller’s sister is determined to make him accept their cancer-fighting father back into his life. Begrudgingly, Weller tells him about Taylor’s supposed resurfacing.
Tattoo Meanings
Blind Sides
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